Stan Tatkin is a brilliant thinker, writer and therapist. He spearheaded the PACT Institute, and believes that couples can function securely even if partner’s struggle with attachment issues individually. He is adamant that partners are in each other’s care, and thus, must protect one another and their relationship. Below are his Ten Commandments. They are somewhat tongue in cheek, and while I do not wholeheartedly agree with each commandment in totality, I do think there is a lot of wisdom here:
TEN COMMANDMENTS FOR RELATIONSHIP ESSENTIALS
- THOU SHALT protect the safety and security of thy relationship at all costs (obviously if personal safety is at stake, one must strive to protect themselves and their children, first and foremost).
- THOU SHALT base thy relationship on true mutuality, remembering that all decisions and actions must be good for thee AND for thine partner.
- THOU SHALT not threaten the existence of the relationship, for so doing would benefit no one.
- THOU SHALT appoint thy partner as go-to person for all matters, making certain thy partner is first to know—not second, third, or fourth—in all matters of importance.
- THOU SHALT provide a tether to thy partner all the days and nights of thy life, and never fail to greet thy partner with good cheer.
- THOU SHALT protect thy partner in public and in private from harmful elements, including thyself.
- THOU SHALT put thy partner to bed each night and awaken with thy partner each morning.
- THOU SHALT correct all errors, including injustices and injuries, at once or as soon as possible, and not make dispute
of who was the original perpetrator.
- THOU SHALT gaze lovingly upon thy partner daily and make frequent and meaningful gestures
of appreciation, admiration, and gratitude.
- THOU SHALT learn thy partner well and master the ways of seduction, influence, and persuasion, without the use of fear or threat.
Check him out here, and until next time, Peace.