Sonya Thomas lcsw

Routine Relationship Maintenance

The School of Life brings it again.  I encourage you to hop over to their site and read this spot on article related to an effective way to provide routine maintenance on your relationship.  As a couples therapist, what I consistently see is that by the time couples make it to my office, months and even more often, years of unspoken and accumulated disappointments, hurt feelings, and frustrations  have built up in the system, which can  lead to the loss of seeing ones partner with eyes of love. Once this happens, it can be like turning around a ship; not impossible, but it takes a lot of precision, hard work, patience and generosity.  To avoid this fate, or to get to work on righting the ship, make time and a safe space to ask and be willing to listen to the answers to the below two questions:

  • What have I done lately to disappoint/frustrate/hurt you?
  • What have I done lately that activated fear in you?

In order for this kind of conversation to go well, the person asking the question MUST allow their partner the space and safety to be honest without getting defensive or rushing in to “fix” the situation.  This conversation is designed to flush the system of debris, not fix the system.  If you need help having this kind of conversation, consider reaching out to a trained couples therapist.

Until next time, peace.