Sonya Thomas lcsw

Questions to ask before getting married

Hello all.  It has been quite a long time since my last post.  My focus and attention has been occupied with some things that I have been dealing with in my personal life, and to be perfectly honest, I have not had the bandwidth to devote to this blog for several months.  I am optimistic that life is settling down, and I will be back to blogging more regularly very soon.  To kick it off, today’s post addresses 10 questions every person should ask their partner prior to getting married.  These are lifted from an article that delves deeper into the reason why we need to explore these topics prior to hitching our wagons to another’s star.  With that, here they are:

  • What kind of debt do you have?
  • Who should be responsible for household chores?
  • Do you want kids, and if so, how many and when?
  • How do you problem solve?
  • How much would you be willing to spend on big ticket items like a car or appliances?
  • Can you stick to a budget or do you oftentimes spend more than you intend to?
  • How important is sex to you?
  • Have you ever been arrested or faced a lawsuit/legal trouble?
  • How much alone time do you need?
  • What are your thoughts about divorce?

All of the above are good jumping off points for some very important conversations.  I encourage you to also explore the below:

  • What are your thoughts about relocating for a job?  Under what circumstances would you consider moving out of the area we agree to live in?
  • Public or private school for kids?
  • Will both of us work if/when we have kids?  If one stays home with kids, how will that affect the expectations around who does what at home?
  • How much time do you want to spend with our respective families?
  • How will we handle holidays?
  • What are your thoughts about pets?  In the house?  In the bed?
  • To whom and around what topics will you talk about our personal relationship issues?
  • How important is it to you for our house to be tidy?
  • What role will religion/spirituality play in our lives now and if/when we have children?
  • How will we navigate the demands that children will place on our careers?
  • What are your thoughts about therapy to address issues that may arise, like depression, substance abuse or marital problems?

There are many good books out there to guide you through questions to ask and conversations to have prior to getting married.  Pre-marital counseling is also an investment worth making if you are planning to tie the knot.

Until next time, peace.