There is a plethora of pre-marital material out there. The below questions, in my estimation, do a good job of covering some very important topics BEFORE you get married. Ideally, these will be deeply discussed before an engagement gets so far down the road that backing out becomes awkward, expensive and even more painful. When it comes to marriage, what you don’t about one another could lead to cracks in the very foundation. Because of shyness, conflict avoidance, or a desire to preserve romantic mystery, many couples do not ask each other the difficult questions that can help build the foundation for a stable marriage. There is also a commitment to romantic illusion that could get in the way of being realistic about the path ahead.
“If you don’t deal with an issue before marriage, you deal with it while you’re married,” said Robert Scuka, the executive director of the National Institute of Relationship Enhancement. The following questions, which can be challenging to discuss, are designed to spark honest discussions and possibly give couples a chance to come to terms with potential differences before it’s too late.
- Did your family throw plates, calmly discuss issues or silently shut down when disagreements arose?
- Will we have children, and if we do, will you change diapers?
- How will we live in our space together?
- Will our experiences with our exes help or hinder us?
- How important is religion? How will we celebrate religious holidays, if at all?
- Is my debt your debt? Would you be willing to bail me out?
- What’s the most you would be willing to spend on a car, a couch, shoes?
- Can you deal with my doing things without you?
- Do we like each other’s parents?
- How important is sex to you?
- How far should we take flirting with other people? Is watching pornography O.K.?
- Do you know what makes me feel loved?
- What do you admire about me, and what are your pet peeves?
- How/where do you see us 10 years from now? 25 years? 50 years?
We will dig into these deeper in the next few blog posts. Until then, peace.