One of my favorite websites has dropped several wonderful new essays. In today’s post, I am simply going to point you towards a couple of them in hopes that you will dive in to some wonderful writing that is likely to stretch your thinking around some of the more problematic aspects of being in long term relationship with another flawed human. The first one deals with the unconscious reasons that often compel us to pick partners who feel familiar in ways that are not always pleasant. I particularly enjoyed this graphic of the antecedent (partner’s tricky behavior), familiar (childlike) response and alternate ( more adult) response:
This essay helps us to understand that our partner’s less appealing qualities deserve to be contemplated with charity. To quote, “our partner’s annoying characteristics have their roots in their childhood – long before they met us. They emerged as strategies for coping with the stresses of their early years.”. Guess what, we have our own annoying characteristics, too, and doesn’t it feel nicer and aren’t we more prone to loving self reflection when our partner approaches us, warts and all, with compassionate curiosity rather than with criticism, impatience, or contempt?
I will share a couple more thought provoking esays in my upcoming post. Until then, peace.